The one for me♥.

If you're not the one.

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You look so beautiful today
When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away
So I try to find the words that I could say
I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away
And I can't lie
Every time I leave my heart turns gray
And I want to come back home to see your face
And I
Cause I just can't take it
In the end all I wanted you to do is stay here with me.

~~This hurts with every HeartBeat~~

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Lets backtrack.

August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 December 2007 October 2008 November 2008 February 2009 March 2009 January 2011 July 2019

take me away

Tuesday, August 30, 2005, 8:19 PM

-As aLwayz-

*The Fallen DownCasT upon the Land, feathers oF black...The Angel high in the Heavens,Feathers oF puRe whiTe...Heaven & Earth will never MeeT, nothin will cease to exisT*

weez slacking my time away..exams are jus next week and i am still slacking really dun have the mood to get back to the books...tt dae of tonning out was really fun...geex really dun noe whether i can ton outside ever again....maybe have to wait till december when my parents are gone to perth for the grad of my sista den woooo freedom!

Really tt time of tonning out was kinda not given permission for it but ohwell i jus pack a toothbrush in my bag and left home jus likett...I was really not thinking abt the consequence of my actions as i jus left home likett. Not forgetting the quarrel i jus had wid my dad the previous day...Conclusion i made after tonning out tt day i mus remember to bring along an extra set of clothes wid me which i dint really remember tt day i jus brought along my handy dandy tooth-brush and left home (i find myself rather stupid wid a tooth-brush).

Luckily i was at my frens hse as my parents rang her hse phone...i can imagine hell would break lose if i wasn't in her hse not to mention being tipsy after the dunno how many cans of beer...actulli was intending to ton till about 3-4am but haha cannot make it..Dorothy and I were dead sleeping...and she was toking in her sleep gosh..
actulli had a tot of meeting my fren gina for supper cos she called me while i was on the last train to punggol but my head was rather heavy i think they would have to carry me home if had supper wid them.nah i think they would dump me there.

I was kinda expecting some scolding when i got back home but it never did came...whoo and instead i got my laptop and went shopping...

tml going back to sch to visit the teachers...hope dun run into the history teacher later she critise me saying that hitler is from USSR(btw hitler is enemies wid the USSR and he is from germany)which i wrote in my O's script..hahhax powerful huh...

Tuesday, August 23, 2005, 2:43 PM

-fRee-

*Be the blue sky above that wra[p]s me up tight, I don't want to be alone. keep me safe*

After this week i would be free,the projects and all those would be no-more...today would be handing up my website,proposal cum a presentation hopes everything runs smoothly. Tml wearing the formal outfit once more as presentation would be at 1pm....

neXt week would be a study break den after would be the a life & death situation of facing the exams...
Holiday i want it so much to have it now, i need a break!

Sunday, August 21, 2005, 5:25 PM

*Bananas oF the World uNite*

*plunged into the dark realm, take my soul along and bury my lifeless body*

stuck at home facing projects again....i jus dont want to care about the website animore i had already uploaded my webpages onto the server tts it end of story...one down and a few more to go...project proposal tuesday need to hand in together wid the image document gosh and wad time i reach home tml 7+ how to rush the dam thing out?dun care dun bother...death situation.

Realli miss yesterday...it was the 1st time i went home tt late i reach home at abt 12++am..too bad i cant ton out wid you guys...If my parents wree jus like u all life would be much better for me more freedom no curfew...The feeling of not being able to board the last train was just great...its the 1st time i ever miss the last train and gosh tt was really cool...
I realli feel bad abt eating off b'dae boy's box of chocolates..but haha cant realli do much cos its like digested...
woah midnight charges for the cab was dam ex. the meter kept running and running non-stop realli give me the creeps...i feel so broke.

Banana Dance-cant realli get it out of my head especially the "shy banana" part lolx

Wednesday, August 17, 2005, 11:08 PM

-A lil PrinCss dreAm..-

*Bottle up messenges, floating towards the endless rivers.Be there to grab the bottle of memories*

projects projects and more projects dunno when will all this stop... ...i still left with the nmm project and the java program report...sighx

heex wore formal to school today, having difficulty to walk in the stupid shoe cos its too big...i cope it frm my sister and well i thought that by shaffing in an xtra cushion padding will fit jus right buy nooo i was wrong..it was like so lose i had to grip onto it as i was walking to prevent it frm flying out and ya i actulli inserted in like dunno how many tissue paper in each shoe...I came to a conclusion neva to wear my sister's pair of shoe out again..i think next week when i wear formal for the presentation i am going to stick to my pair of boots.

next week is gonna be a dam stress week for me 3 projects on the go...2 projects due on monday den a presentation on wednesday and wad more the exams are jus round the corner wow so "exciting".

we will be planning a chalet during halloween..yay sounds fun can't wait till the day arrives I really need a break. Its only yr 1 and ll these crap starts coming i dun noe whether I am able to hold on towards yr 3...

Sunday, August 14, 2005, 4:32 PM

-daRkStarrynight-

*friends are those that lift me up when my wings cant remember how to fly*

I think i am breaking down soon..the stupid website keeps giving me more problems and ya i cant solve the dam problems...Have to ask some IT xpert to guide me along as this project i need to hand it in next monday. I feel so dumb in this course. Its not tt i am critizing the course itself its just that geeex i find tt i am a total idiot in tt course.B4 i enter into this course i would find myself okay in IT but now when i am in it gosh i feel so dumb.

I need to break free i feel so trapped. Bring me the light to my darkness, lead me to the path of light wid a shone of the torchlight.

3:42 PM

-CrasHed AwaY-

*moonlight bay,the story of the night flows to the endless music*

arrrrrr....help help i crashed it...how how how its stuck..geeex the dam computer..tt was how i reacted yesterday when i accidently made my whole computer system crash after installing the stupid anti-virus online. I was unable to have a peaceful night sleep as i was thinking about when the computer would be repaired cos i am rushing for the projects...aiyaiyai...Today rushed to get the dam computer fixed, went all the way to sim lim but arrhhhh the shop was close due to national day...gosh pls help me!
The cpu was so dam heavy!ok ok calm down....i mus get in fixed, my dad call the computer xpert at tampines to fix it. Phew thank goodness he is around...Went and drop the bomb(cpu) at the shop.I went shopping at parkway after tt. eat....yum yum after carrying the cpu around i was hungry, food i am coming!walk around for a little while den went back home and stone. i stone till abt 5pm den went to collect the cpu back frm the shop yay it is fixed but arrgh mus install all the programmes back in.=( here i am still installing the msn messenger beta...
Luckily i did the IISO e-learning quiz thingy b4 my com crashed. Irritating la tt quiz make me use my coconut jucies(brain juice)in the end still fail the quiz..i remember my 1st attempt my score was like 45 out of 100...sighxDecided to play cheat...heehee den i score 85 out of 100 marks yay! Anybody having difficulties yesterday entering the IISO quiz? If hav mus be me jamming up the quiz link lolx cos i kept refreshing it.nah nah ni boo boo >.<
Yay tml i no lesson...but gonna go back to sch for project work..

3:41 PM

-SheEpCounT-

*liFt me up to the hightest, be my wings for my flight*

Nothing for me to do now, people are busy typing their project refection which would be due at 10am today. I finished the work already waiting for my group members to finish theirs and handing it up together. Today no 6hrs of break sighx, later got moon lesson in the lab yucky..dunno whether she will start shooting me today...

3:39 PM

-loVemeNoT-

*Crimsion teaRs fell down,flooding the lake by the moonlight baY* copyright frm gina

Wad is happening ? I dun really understand. I feel the emptyness inside of me but i just tell what is missing...I went for a hair-cut again...okay my hair since like its already short enough and wad more to cut rite? My length is still the same xcept for the fact that okay it is much thinner...My weekend well nothing much more towards the slacking. On saturday i went to church all the way at bukit merah the service was nice, uplifting but whu turn down the temperature? It was freezing cold throughout the whole service and worst i dint bring my jacket along. After the service was over i immediately dash out to get some warm air. grrrr....i am realli gonna kick the person's a** for making the temperature so low.
Sunday i spend my whole day slacking at home watching tv and hooked onto the computer. I wonder y i am suddenly so engross in the a show of the 70s, it was a commedy and i watched finish the whole dam show maybe i am transmitted back into the wrong era.Aftertt i was staring at my computer screen downloading songs and transfering them into my mp3.I was online till quite late and was waiting for my dinner to appear at my door-step. Den i toked in msn for quite awhile ansewering some qns which i think r rather wierd...lolx
Now I am waiting to go for my apel lesson and today my lessons end at 6pm *yawN* i wanna sleep.

3:38 PM

-SkirTz-

*A fallen will neva rise frm its mistake,downcast upon the gates of hell.onLy darkness ahead living a life of no day*

snore...zzzzzz...(music)Coming out of the cage ,I've been doing just fine,Gotta gotta be down Because I want it all It started out with a kiss ow did it end up like this? It was only a kissIt was only a kiss .....huh?Hello..xiao hua where r u?yawn...i am sleeping..huh, u not coming for lecture?The others leh?Wo bu zhi dao, u go ask them.orh okay bye....It was 9am when i receive tt call and i skipped 2 lectures today reached school at 1pm...i was in skirt cos main grp gals would be in skirt today as we made an agreement yesterday...gina no mini skirt allowed no no....hahhaz lolx aniwayz mine was onli longer den her skirt by a little bit.sheeshI was really hungry after the 1pm lecture so went down to buy 2 box of pokey and was thinking of eating during IISO tutorial which is at 2pm cos dun hav break to go eat. She handed out the test paper arrrr lack of 2 marks for a B grade...she was explaining on the test and i cannot take it ani-more i open the pokey and ate infront of her face. Luckily she dint say anithing.....My "favourite" tutorial was next...i am prepared to fail this subject...i was sitting right infront of moon..and she call my name to pass my test paper to me...mus be i look too gu niang today, she dint see me lorz...den i started to make some noise and caught her attention. Den she say :"ar suling my favourite student" ewww goosebumps sia, but hahahz fail her subject also.my lesson learn never to tok infront of moon especially not related to the subject cos she will comment on it.Went to eat after sch ended and we had difficulty deciding on wad to eat again.5 gals 1 guy going to eat...decide until rather long den we head towards pasta mania....yum yum ocean bake pasta,cheezy i lov it..After tt they went to play pool at pavillion but haix I cant tag along due to curfew sheesh.

3:37 PM

-haPPy-

*widE smiLez on ouR faces, leaving behind different traces. I love u all, u bring me the joy and light into my darKest life*

I am really feeling happy today (me: *jumps up and down with joy*), although i have to reach sch for lab at 8am today i find tt time pass really fast when we are having fun..especially during the 6hrs we had today...we travelled down towards bugis at 1st have the intention of buying out project model materials. Once we reach there we went to find food cos we were really starving.As usual the golden pig is smoking...u cant even last for one dam week without smoking. We were having a really tough time to decide wad to eat and we were heading towards mos burger when we walk pass an a nice scent of food drifted pass us....All of us were attracted to the scent of food and went to check it out.Yummy thai-food we went in and set down and started to make order...gina and me placed our order together and really i have to say this we order alot of stuff..2 bowls of tom-yum noodles,2 coke,one mango salad,thai cake and one xtra oiece of chicken wing for me..If we carry on eating like this we r gonna get fat in no time. After having our fill we went to walk around bugis and well i spotted a shoulder bag in the wallet shop and took it down to have a look den i walk too close to the alarm system and some-how triggered the alarm accidently(*i dint mean it)den after awhile i saw a security guard outside wallet shop(*i dint do anithing)At least i know that the alarm system in wallet shop is working(*heez jus testing the alarm system,nothin else)We walk around all the shops and really when i walk pass 77th street i look at the necklace and reminds me of some-one tt needs it...ichi,ni,san snap.....we went to take neoprint and well was a group of 10 taking neoprint so u can picture the image of 10 ppl squeezing into a small camera to take neoprint.Den we spotted this new machine wid monkey bar which is person is surppose to cling on it to take neo-print but hahahz tts the onli machine wid the biggest space to squeeze all of us in so each person pay $1 for it...but tt machine waaaa make us do exercise sia..cos got 3 camera so we all we like moving up moving down soo funni...i would be uploading the neoprints into the album real soon.haix...goodness we rush back to sch for 1hr of c-maths tutorial and well he gave back the term-test paper and guess wad i fail...sheesh but nvm i would work on the coming up test which is next week....the freaking 4 marks!

3:36 PM

-EndleSS-StorIes-

*The sTory of a gal living in a Crazy world that dwells endLess stoRies of a Book*

My feelings...My day not enough sleep to keep me going. I feel tied down with projects no time for friends,i really want to spend some time alone, forget about the creation of the stupid websites all the feedback comments that were critic on my webpage...I want to get away.I got back my test paper on the subject on problem sloving and programming(Alice programme)i actully expected a fail as i dint study for tt test and left like 30mins after the start of the exam.I was on the dot of the passing mark *phew* but wad the hell a "D" grade for a passing grade.
Tml having lab at 8am again...gosh how much i want to sleep and yet have to wake up early for a lab lesson.I think i would be having my usual one eye wid single eye-line and the other wid double eye-line again due to the lack of sleep...eww i really loook funny wid the stupid eye thingy.
Now i am in the multimedia lab lesson typing this blog while the lecturer is accessing others of the wepage creating feedbacks, well i was highly critize by him but "do i look tt i care?""Hell No!" Now i have to redo parts of my webpage but not gonna do it jus yet i need a break.
Since that my reminder fell on deaf ears, i wont ever bother about u again...smoke all you want, jus dun die infront of my face.mY thoughtsI wonder jus whether tt someone bothers abt me how i feel...okay u happen to see me online on msn mesenger and tells me suddenly that you wanna go out wid me..okay i noe that you r free on tt day but what abt me do i look tt free all the time?Glad tt the someone remembers about the movie tt is promised but its been like mus i sms you everytime so tt you will jus sms me back?Heck about tt i am not going to go soft.-bE there when I need you,accompany me all my life through-

3:36 PM

-EndleSS-StorIes-

3:35 PM

-deaDSoUL-

*i've been so dead,lifeless...daRk wings overwhelmed me,emptyness of my souL..lost in my own deaDSouL*

Its just another simple reminder from me, i noe that at times when i say that i may sound naggy to you and well u may think that the min i say that your arteries will bust suddenly sounds that i am cursing you. Think of it in this manner, if i dun even bother about u being as a classmate of mine i wouldn't have give a dam about wad you do...I jus dun want to see ppl at my side shorten their life and jus suddenly disppear...okay i told you that i was curious and wanted a smoke, y did you say sumthing like "dun lar"...Pls *dun sMoke*I am veri vexed over the how to create my own website...worst was the noise polloution that add on just outside my hse...*tong tong chang,tong tong chang* thats the sound of the lion dance tempo which is still ringing in my head...I kept sitting here frm 9am till now and i am still stuck wid the project...i shouldn't have be so critic upon the world's worst webpage cos mine looks like the worst webpage u had ever encounter...Okay i admit i am a dummy in creating webpage...I just need help...HELP ME!Guess i am onli good at typing proposal...Gosh tt Rick Toh is realli gonna critise my webpage badly...*Pls pls pls help me...since the strawberries wont work i will say this "with hot chocolate and oreo bits on top?"*

3:34 PM

-eYes kePt closEd-

*a mEmory life, a memory of death.a choosen memory to live a life of content*

Drifted frm my slumber to sch at 9am but main grp was no-where at sight. Main grp is decreasing in size...some drifted,one missing and others joined. One that gave us laughter and joy has been absent for classes about 4 days...seems rather boring when he is not around no joy no laughter.Seems like everyone is missing him somehow and realli hopes he come back to maingroup. Another one drifted apart reason being he somehow dun click wid someone in the grp...oh come on we are classmates after all right mus it turn out to be like this -better to have a fren than an enemy
-----------------------------------------------------
I hate you , you hate me,we are one big enemy,a slap from me and a kick from me to u,wont you say u hate me too...--->gina keeps singing this to me while i sing the nice version<----how irritaTing but i liked it!I dint went for the morning lectures though instead I had big breakfast than I went to my classmates hse. Actully wanted to dose off at her hse awhile but instead the game "The sims" caught my attention so decided to play it. I was wondering i am fasting frm online gaming but does that mean that playing a cd rom game counted as breaking a fast? ohwellz, i played it aniwayz and created a flower family ahemm..y flower family? Nowadays ppl in maingrp calls me xiao hua sooo ya tts y flower family....the rest of it not gonna go in great details.I was really feeling very tired and i dose off during a tutorial when i suddenly jerk up abt a few minutes later when i heard the lecturer toking...I was wondering since when did she started toking?gosh...Moon was teaching the next tutorial and shit i realli hate her...for those whu dont noe my story of moon(lecturer's name:MOON)she is the one that keeps shooting me with questions all the time and keeps calling my name non-stop.today i was realli tired and i dint want to talk tt much so i was veri silent throughout her whole tutorial...den she call out my name:"su ling,y u so quiet today?"i dint respond and ignored her. she called my name the 2nd time:"su ling wad is the ans to the ....." my response was one word:"huh?" She called me again:"suling, you understand?" i just nod my head...this is the one tutorial she called me the least number of times...now i noe next time in her tutorial i jus keep my mouth close and nothing will happen...

3:32 PM

-layerZ of souL-

*loneliness of the soul,emptyness of the heart,be with me take me to great heights*

I try to close my eyes for just one sec but i have to struggle to keep it open...this is what happen to me as today have to be in sch at 8am sharp..so i slid off my bed around 6am as my alarm went off..sometimes i realli have the urge to slam the alarm onto the wall or floor but i just cant as if i slam it i would be heartbroken cos its a hp alarm.I was feeling blue wearing blue orientation tee-shirt which main grp has decided since we dint wore it on monday..so if you were in IT sch and u see a grp which is veri blue tt would be most likely us.Actulli wanted to do some projects today but have to rush to do cmaths soo ended up at the ice-cream cafe. I had a wonderful time eating today...especially when break/lunch=brunch was on my fren...yippee!We went towards the Mensa canteen and realli if u see us ordering u might think tt we had starved for days...gosh but i still liked the potato-salad!i ordered a banana-split ice-cream at the cafe...yumz actulli wanted to share wid the grp but most of them were full sooo ohwellz i ended up eating most of it and ealli it was delicious...GiNA you owe me one for feeding you ice-cream...tml lecture starts at 9...yay i can sleep...ohya and if my freakig neighbour plays the stupid songs in the morning i am going to blast my amplifier at them...imagine the door close,u still can hear the songs and its like freaking 6.30am in the morning and yea wad songs did they play....1st song-linkin park "numb" next George Groban "you wake me up" I was like wow u realli make me numb by waking me up with tt song...do tt again and we shall see, i would play simple plan's "shut-up" and "hollerback girl" by blasting out the *eat my shit* word.....grrrrr wellz tt realli sounds bad but "DO i LOOK like i CARE?" i mean wads in their brains aniwayz....oh i forgot its vacummed....

3:31 PM

HeavenZSaY....

*To bring back a fallen from the darkness,a lonely soul, walking on a devouring road which seems endless*

A simple me living a life of ups and downs..i feel the urge to just close my eyes just to drift myself away frm this life of mine.Sitting here now , waiting for time to jus pass away...tick tick tick...minutes and seconds jus passing me really slowly. Next week i have to hand in 2 projects which realli drives me to my limits.Time to time i was thinking why am I here? What does all this hav to do with me."weLcome to my life!"Delicious potato salad,chicken cutlet and ham & bacon soup...this is what i had for lunch....i find that i am realli indulging myself too much on food these days.

3:27 PM

noThin is Going to Keep me awaY!

Angelz decend take me awaY frm this woRld, from all the pains the teaRs that i shed....

i am shreaded frm all the projects that is rushing me for now i feel that in life nothin is able to achieve without the pain of efforts we put in...i shall bear wid it right now.I realli missed the days of fun, the laughter...But it was when i had a day off frm all problems was during last sat at baYbeAts...The puNk rocK band music blasting out loud was a form of relieve and i realli enjoy every moment at the point of time..."The poInt of NO reTurN"FirewoRks that lighted up the emptyness of the dark sky...the colours so bright was amazing as i was distracted frm the concert of baybeats to video take all the actions which was taking place...onCe amazing actions soon disappear with darkness of the night.Now once again in the sch sitting here infront of the computer not knowing all that was happening and not even listening jus typing in this blog..its been veri long since i typed in a blog as my other one is once again malfunctioning i shld say...-Song that pleases my mind currently-
Coming out of my cage And I've been doing just fine Gotta gotta be down Because I want it all It started out with a kiss How did it end up like this? It was only a kiss It was only a kiss Now I'm falling asleep And she's calling a cab While he's having a smoke And she's taking the drag Now they're going to bed And my stomach is sick And it's all in my head But she's touching his chest now He takes off her dress now Let me go And I just can't look It's killing me And taking control Jealousy Turning saints into the sea Turning through sick lullaby Joking on your alibi But it's just the price I pay Destiny is calling me Open up my eager eyes I'm Mr. Brightside (repeat)