If you're not the one.
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You look so beautiful today
When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away
So I try to find the words that I could say
I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away
And I can't lie
Every time I leave my heart turns gray
And I want to come back home to see your face
And I
Cause I just can't take it
In the end all I wanted you to do is stay here with me.

This hurts with every HeartBeat

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Lets backtrack.
August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 December 2007 October 2008 November 2008 February 2009 March 2009 January 2011 July 2019
take me away
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Sunday, November 27, 2005, 9:41 PM
-bE nicE?-

*the walls r cumbling down upon me, i can't take the weight. Can u lay the wall back for me?*

Its fast and the weekend is over, i can't take it this sem is overloading me help i need an oxygen mask.
I am dumb i don't even know java codes y am i here in this IT course? I dun fit in stop pushing me in this jig-saw doesn't fit that space. I pray 2 n 1/2 yr more please get me through it. I jus need a scrap paper called the diploma.

Every mon a day of worries 4 me. 2hrs of facing the gay teacher wonder wad is he going to do to me this time. I wonder if i can request for a tranfer of lab i would rather have vivien instead at least she is nice when she teach. It must be retribution falling upon me cos last yr when vivien was teaching, I was playing online yahoo pool, i regret.

I keep pondering on this qn, will I be kick out of tp this sem.?I know i shldn't be thinking abt this n touchwood but i am really struggling. Can anyone hear my cries?

okay apart from school, i've got my top right ear pierced. hmm..so now i got 4 holes, 2 on each side but i want 6 holes. 6 holes i think i will be killed so alritez 4 for the moment. I went all the way back to harbour front coffee club wanting to collect my pay. Guess wad, i dint get it for the 2nd time cos they couldn't find it there. Maybe i am thinking too much i wonder r they trying to make a fool out of me? I mean they could give me a call when they send my cheque to my hse so as to infrom me n i won't be travelling all the way down for no reason. I think i will take it as a joy-ride. I want to be 18 so that i would be alittle law-free.

bear wid me as i am complaining throughout the whole entry but i can't help it.
Did i mention i pluck out the earring that they jab in and change it wid my own stud. i tried pushing the ear stick in but my attempt failed. n OW it really hurts. =S




Wednesday, November 23, 2005, 10:29 PM
-hope-

*i jus wish it will all pass, i want it to be fast. i can't bear with it no longer.Just take me away or leave me unwanted*

this week of returning back to sch, wad can i say? it is of equal value of the good and bad. On the bad side, okay alone for lab being alone is not wad really bothers me but the fact of the lab teacher being a gay makes my life difficult. Being away from sch for a week i really don't know much that is happening around me not to mention being in the lab alone wid strangers no-one to help u on the lab sheet so i was dumb-founded facing the labsheet. Wad makes me go out of my head was the gay teacher dint go through the lab-sheet jus let the students do wad they know n those tt dun know a thing like me, u have to find ways to figure it out. I decided to make an attempt to ask the girl sitting beside me n guess wad she said she would teach me in the end i was following her screen to type out the java codes. okay so tts not tt "helpful" n wad she did was i haven finish referring to her codes n she close the screen box. Rights is not tt i blaming her or anything cos is my fault tt i dun know anything. After awhile the gay teacher appear standing right at the back of me looking at my work n started to "comment" in a fierce tone. He was like "If you dun know anything can't u just ask your classmates". My response "I am not from this class and these r not my classmates". He replied "den y dint u tell me but ur name is on my attendance list."
Conclusion to make the gay does not understand wad i was trying to imply. I was trying to say tt i am not from this class but i am in ur lab lesson. Does he have a problem in understanding simple english or my english to him is not clear enough. Next time i try to use the ABCs on him. Guess wad i have to rush out the assignment to him next mon cos he wants some evidence. GET A LIFE!

On the bright side happy to be back wid frens n to be away frm the sick virus. At least i still have the 8 of them around to keep my days alive or this would be a dying semester for me. I have this thought sometimes thinking of dropping out but wad can i do without a diploma. 3 yrs is all i need to get through it once n for all. If i make through this sem. i am very grateful.
I bought my converse shoes today hooray i dun have to wear flip-flops on rainy weathers. Bought another dog-tag from 77th street but disappointed cos the chain is not black in colour. Going to pierce the top part of my ear tml so trying to build up my confidence to go n pierce. Being abit cazy lately but if i pierce i have to try n hide it frm my parents notice. But its my ear owellx.

-live life to the fullest , the girl in her own life of twists n turns -




Saturday, November 19, 2005, 9:25 PM
-sick-

*The day when the tombstone is being carve is the day i am being noticed*

its been 2 weeks me lying in bed with high fever. Actually had a thought of being warded into the hospital cos the fever dint subside but the doctors jus gave me more pills and got rid of me. Sometimes I wonder when i am seriously ill who r those that r true frens tt bother to give me a call or an sms of concern. Blame it on me its my fault i got ill tts y i needed a replacement for my work last min. I am sorry for making it a last min thing but my health condition i really couldn't do much.Its my health n maybe no-one might even bother until the day i'm in my grave and a tombstone is being set up so tt you may peek n have a look oh its me in it. An sms alert tone sounded i thought is some1 tt care n ask me how am i feeling after reading the details: imagine you r dead sick n some1 sms you on ur past project whether you have info on it....omg give me a break!Come on what r the libraries set up for, n it is not set up for show. I am sick pls check the right timing b4 asking me such things or did i mention do you even noe i was seriously ill in the 1st place.
I was crawling my way to the toilet to puke after tt.


Until the day i set foot in my grave,
the day that all seem to notice me.
Scattered flowers,
death music.
On the tombstone carve my name,
and below it writes
for whom tt may know you,
Rest in peace.




Sunday, November 06, 2005, 9:23 PM
-stArt all Over-

*Dun leaVe me here all alone, i am afraid*
tml is another new semester..gaibang members r being scattered all over due to the different time-table layout. I have to start from scratch to meet new faces tt seems like strangers. I wonder wad am i going to face will they ignore you when u try to make an attempt to talk to them? Would i be left all alone to face this whole semester, no-one to help me in times of need..All these things appear as a doubt jus be brave me stay alive..



-not 4getting abt the music- =)




Wednesday, November 02, 2005, 6:15 PM
-oveR the sea??-

*take a closer look around, you may have miss out somthing*



heex above here is an msn conversation i had wid my sister,
i found it rather dumb so decided to post it...
ps: click to enlarge n view it.

Working tml frm 3-7pm, wonder if all hell will break lose tml
due to it being a public holiday.
i feel much better now after the outing wid the ppl at my work place.
At least i got to know them much better...=D




Tuesday, November 01, 2005, 5:26 PM
-boRed-

*is that u looking at me, or me looking at you?*


i was feeling a little bored so i came out with this....