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You look so beautiful today
When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away
So I try to find the words that I could say
I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away
And I can't lie
Every time I leave my heart turns gray
And I want to come back home to see your face
And I
Cause I just can't take it
In the end all I wanted you to do is stay here with me.

This hurts with every HeartBeat

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Thursday, March 30, 2006, 10:45 PM
beer for me and you...

went to hougang today to look for gina, i was bored...dint really had things to do there so decided to board bus 80 and travel down to bugis. Todays rain was a killer, it rain non-stop and dampen my spirit further. While on the bus i was looking at the window pane the countless droplets of rain pouring down and the frightening strike of lightning. We dint alight at bugis cos we decided to head down to levender food center but happily talking we missed the stop and besides tt the rain dint stop. The bus made its way towards a bus-stop near cityhall and wellx we alighted there and we were stranded.

The bus-stop itself was situated quite a distance away from the city-hall mrt underpass. The rain was super duper duper heavy, in order to find out where the other bus no. were heading, i went in the rain and stood awhile at the bus-info section. I got drenched and got a super neat hair-style (always hated when my hair gets wet its like i got a 70s hair-style). no other choice we had to walk in the rain towards the mrt station. While walking in the rain i kinda told gina tt i look like her bootch bf for the day. Y? I was dressed in jeans and my big collar shirt while she on the other hand was in hmmm mini-skirt,collar shirt wearing heels.Wellx and i notice ppl looking at the both of us wid an awkward expression...hurhur i have something to say we are both straight stop staring at us likett...luckily to say tt i had make-up on.

We walked through city-link came across thai-express which we were both tempted so went in to eat.=D
After eating, the rain finally stop pouring so we decided to go for a little drink.
We did some silly stuffs as usual...


3 cans of beer......equals=

1 silly me +

1 silly gina =)

headed back home feeling bloated...




Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 11:45 PM
wo bu hou hui...

Although i dint get to see you, what that really matters is that you are with me.
i want to let you know that wo bu hou hui gen ni zai yi qi...I will always be there waiting.

boyboy, wo ai ni...miss you alot




Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 9:38 PM
2 mths

i was at home today, lying on my bed spending my time with king kong...maybe its me trying to hide my feelings. I am really sad. How much i looked foward for this day. . . .

happy 2 mths =)




Monday, March 27, 2006, 9:58 PM
moment of sadness...

Jus got back home after staying over at gina's hse yest. After exploring matilda hse the previous night, i found out that it was jus a simple house by itself nothing more.

Although yest. work wasn't really tt busy compared to sat, i was feeling really shag i think probably i drank the previous night tts y. Everyday of work i will bound to have some clumsyness.
Day 1: broke a spoon
Day 2: spilled peanuts
Day 3: spilled sambal chilli

more to come.....


Its been many days since i last saw you.sighx
feeling sad at 9.43pm =/

ru guo dui bu qi zhe san ge zi neng mei yi ci yong dao, hai xui yao jing cha lai zuo shen mo?

in that case i rather let the police catch me instead.




Saturday, March 25, 2006, 2:24 AM
1st day at ubin...

yawn was awake for the whole night of yesterday...I was staring at the ceiling the whole night...i wonder y also. I think my heatyness is building up while being awake for late hours. I think the high-fever for 2 weeks which happen in the past have some after-effects on me. Feeling much weaker, pale and not really tt hyperactive.

Maybe i shld go out and absorb more sun-light...Was slacking with jf,kristin and laoda at compass point till my work-time as i was relauctant to go home and den come out for work. I was feeling sleepy after lunch dint really feel like moving much. I have to go to work no matter how tired i am but the fact of 1st day of work nt knowing wad to expect really made me worry.

Went to sort of relieve my anxiousness at time-zone. hurhur i really wanted the bugs bunny soft-toy...tried lots of times catching it but my several attempts to catch it failed. Was kinda disappointed =/

Slack all the way till 4.30 we left compass pt to punggol and boarded the coach to the work-place. ahhhh...wo hen pa =S
dint really know what to do when i got there, went to find the manager for the shirt tt they provide...erm M-size collar shirt i was swimming in it kinda big but nvm.

I practically stoned there till weilun came and show me around the things to do and introduce me to the rest. The ppl there were nice and friendly phew...at least the things tt i am not sure i can ask any1 of them. hmm..today 1st day dint do much but i consider today quite busy. Yay i broke a spoon today, was aiming the spoon into the dirty untensils section but aiming bad so landed on the floor:X
It was quite a loud 'clang' onto the floor, the rest heard it and saw but they pretended nothing happen lolx...they pretend i also pretend =)
Time passes by fast when I am busy.

Tml another day of work and its a sat meaning more ppl which means more work...

-ganbattei kudasai-




Thursday, March 23, 2006, 1:04 AM
arrgh...

was out today to get my ez-link card replaced, went down to pasir ris and met brendy for some food. I dint bring my old passport size photo cos i was thinking of replacing it with a new one. Dint really know where the photo-shop was so went to the information counter to get some directions. The thing was the information counter lady said the photoshop located below only develops photos and do not provide other services. She told us to go down to tampines central which my expression O.O .....and i HUHhhhhhuhuhuh....

Owellx i thought there is really no choice so we went to the control station and almost went in when brendy said to check out the time of closing for the transitlink shop...so okay we walk there and guess wad the lady there said that the nearest photoshop tt provide the passport size shoot was at whitesands...arrrgh! gosh have to walk to and fro...the lady at the info. counter qi pian wo de gan qing =X so much help i got from her owellx.

I think she ran away cos when i went back to whitesands i dint see her at the counter, must be too ashame to face me lolx jk...so okay i got my photo taken and wellx my conclusion: i cant take passport size photo no matter how many times i take it will appear ugly..$8 for ugly pictures.

Not only that another $21 for the replacement of the ez-link...i feel so empty in my wallet. The thing was lalala i received my new ez-link on the spot dint know they were so high-tech. okay i sounded like some kumpong girl >.<

Took a mrt down to cityhall as brendy wanted to collect her specs. wahwaaa, the design of specs there are not bad actually...
I bought a sleveless tee from mango..time to revamp my closet erm tts if i have the cash. And i finally bought my kaikai flip-flops from U.R.S...yay i got my flop flop =D

I was hungry and brendy on the otherhand was craving for milk-tea at mos. Tei-bing at food court not nice so ok went down to the nearest mos at plaza sing. Actually i also got craving for strawberry milk-shake soooo lalala.....hidden motive.

After yumyum, we walked around and went into sasa i bought the mascara protector and oil-control powder...ai mei nui ren de tian xing soo oppz =X

suling really spend alot of money today...pls do stop her from further shopping! =]

-blog off-




Wednesday, March 22, 2006, 2:14 AM
missing you...

somethings not right today...i have a feel tt something is missing. Maybe i miss some1 thats all.

i miss you alot... . . ..




Monday, March 20, 2006, 9:48 PM
bus-ride??

today is a rather unlucky day for me....hurhurhur lost my ez-link card arrgh....i dun even know when i lose it until i was abt to board the 23 bus and i was ahhhAhh...looking everywhere for it sigh...

Its troublesome have to go back and re-make one. Have to make a trip to pasir ris really soon. The good-thing is when i re-make one i will use a nicer pass-port size photo, which i would have to re-take one also.=)

I was playing bus-ride today at 1st we decided to go to punggol country club there to eat but bus no. 3 was an hr long and by the time i reach there i decided to catch bus 62 from punggol back home cos erm i've got curfew today sheesh...

the bus 62 took me an hr+ to get back home also. The worst thing was i was stopped at lorong 18 funny lights and funny people area...I think i have no other choice to take tt bus 62 home after work...haix y isn't there a direct bus for me =/
i think i would have to practice my running skills to run from the bus-stop back home safely lolx =X

Around 11++pm if u see a girl in a red collar tee and jeans running from lorong 18 to lorong 26 that would happen to be me...

in my lala land ....




Sunday, March 19, 2006, 8:50 PM
money...

feeling dry in my bank account lately...sighx in order to find a way to replace back the missing $$ i am going to work. I've got a job at punggol marina country club together wid yun,kristin and jf yay... owellx starting work on next fri,sat,sun i need to be at punggol station by lets see 5pm and will end work at 10.30pm.

hmm...really worried about how the 1st day of work will be like, new place a whole new experience. Dunno what to do, who to ask just go there like a blur sotong. Luckily the pay comes in a cash form and no cpf deduction. Can imgine u work so hard den still deduct ur pay for cpf...hope this time my work wont be as hard as the previous one, low pay and further more hard to please customers. Have to smile at them no matter how irritating they were oh come on they should be glad they dint see an incoming shoe flying towards them. I have my limits. But thinking about money i shall bear with it for awhile until i feel the richness =X

I am now thinking of how to plan my route to get home safely after work. Heard from my fren that i may have a direct bus 62 from punggol but dunno which funny stop i will alight at. Now i know that my house location is very dangerous at night. After i see those funny funny lights, funny funny people, being honk by a vehicle for doing nothing wrong and hearing some funny funny noises its declared dangerous. nvm i will just have to think about that after i finish my sub-papers. =/ its the main thing i worry about now.


>.< i miss my boyboy, looking forward to the day i get to meet him =]

as the days pass,
i found out that even its jus a short moment......
i missed you.




Thursday, March 16, 2006, 12:07 AM
-indifferent-

i am taking a step at a time. I took a peep at the exam time-table and its out...Everytime i look at books i dont feel like touching it, i felt that life is abt me being a student studying my feaking life out for a thing known as a diploma. After life of a student you find a job and work ur entire life away.

sighx, maybe i fear the books...i need some time to figure out what i really want in my life. It would be heaven for me if there is a thing call get a diploma without studying...hurhur i am going crazy tts just my childlike thinking like it would ever happen.

The line on my wrist got scolded from many for doing some stupid act. I wont do it again and i promised. I thought of it no matter how many lines existed the problems will not fade.

Besides there would be many to catch me when i fall, i would land safely on a safety net.
for now i jus have to take little steps...just want to have a 1 saturday.




Monday, March 13, 2006, 11:02 PM
<3 you...

i was browsing through my past entries and came across something i type: waiting. It seem all nice to me so i decided to place it as a "splash page".
Funny though was wondering where did tt inspiration of mine came from to type tt.

geex i really kinda regretted not to buy tt zen neeon today. After i told my parents how cheap it was, they told me to buy it. Gosh...*faint* y dint they tell me to buy earlier. hurhur...there goes but i am too lazy to go back there and queue for it so i decided to say goodbye to it.

I seriously dint mean to play the arcade drum machine with a new year tune...it was a mistake i wanted a diff. song but den the time limit was out so it came out tt way lol. I was stun also when the tong tong tong qiang music came out so ahahax not my fault ar...arrgh luckily nobody was looking i really felt like running also. Sorry ar brendy u hav to bear wid me throughout the stupid music.

Went out wid boyboy in the afternoon, although clueless not knowing where to go or wad to do i am happy jus to be beside him =)
you ni pei zai wo shen bian wo jiu kai xin le bu guan qu dao na li wo ye yao he ni zai yi qi...^^




Sunday, March 12, 2006, 10:31 PM
=D

attended church today after like dunno how many weeks since i step into it after it relocated at expo. I was feeling really lazy to open my lazy eyes move my legs and drag myself there to church. I give gina a morning call before heading to wash-up which i felt more refreshing and awake.

Was looking everywhere for my bible which i think i misplace it. I took like 30mins jus to find it. Seriously, i wonder which christian like me will misplace their bible. Owellx i found it, i slowly took my time and prepare myself and headed out. Just i was abt to lock the door gina sms me and she couldn't make it. I think she slept late yest. so i think i shld let her sleep....At tt point of time i was like thinking shld i go anot? Luckily my senior sms me said she would be there so ok all settled.

Travelled all the way to max pavillion...and i see humans many of them gosh. I cant even see where i was heading. Dialled the phone and met my senior and we headed in. It was cold veri COLD....even my jacket wasn't enough to keep me warm. I was experiencing songs that i never heard before today, it was nice...I felt peace , calm, cold and hungry lolx
And i felt i had gain knowledge on pepsi cola and coka cola.
I think i really look ah lian huh...but i wore like jeans and t-shirt izzit becos of my face or my hair colour?Even the officers in gb say i look like a sec 1 ah lian in the company. -faint-
Maybe i shld go back gb and take a look we might be good frens =X
and maybe i will set a good example of being a good ah lian...
advice her tatics on how to fold her skirt shorter tt might nt be noticable easily hahax ...

ok maybe there are things tt make me look like one:
-slightly blonde looking hair,(dumb blonde lolx)
-make-up sometimes gothic style,
-low-cut jeans, sleeveless shirt.
-T-shirt perferred to be black or white with like "distracting" patterns.
-total of 6 ear holes
-shiney ear studs, 1 super big shiney double sided stud.
-converse shoe or flip-flops..
-totally black accessories: watch,cross necklace,ring,wrist band,sex bands,belt
ok after listing all tt one hmm...maybe i look like one lolx.
but i am happy the way i am =]




Thursday, March 09, 2006, 9:04 PM
=)

everything is back to normal, i am =D...

to end my day in smiles,
everything was worthwhile.
sunshine over pouring rain,
a beautiful rainbow in dismay.

loving him till the end of time...
i <3 u ...




Tuesday, March 07, 2006, 10:17 PM
a little of hope

i see a glimpse of light. Its just me, myself i am back. I hope for nt to worry and think abt the good sides.

Whatever tt did happen was a nightmare, a look of hell. I dont want to change myself for what i had gone through. Maybe it would be a positive change, having times with frens, being less weak and being myself. I dont want others to worry for me like i did often worry.I'm letting things be its way, i cant stop and hold onto nature.

Today i realize i got window shopping guy frens....3 guys and me doing window shopping at orchard. Actually we were looking for gothic clothes for the tp's angel or goth dance. gothic i love it =)
erm... . .but sad to say girl's gothic clothes is alot but guys ermerm abit difficult to find. He will have to cross dress to the party itself. I can imagine the gayness lolx.




Monday, March 06, 2006, 8:39 PM
no more...

i hate it all of it. I thought all was ok but no that was just my wishful thinking. I just want some peace, can i have it? Is what i request for too much? I am already sick and tired abt it cant u all just let me off. I said i dont know would u really believe in what I say? I just want to be alone with my friends just to get away. Izzit me putting too much in a relationship? i guess i was dumb. Would ppl even treasure u when u put in all ur heart into it? I'm beginning to turn cold and heartless.

I am sad and friends are the ones that see me pour my tears. I guess that sometimes somethings required advance booking...if money could do to buy some of ur time i am willing to pay it.

Times i felt really hurt, sad and i cried. Crying is the weak side of me and the problem would still be there. I really hate myself for being so weak. Have you ever seen me with a wide smile on my face for the past few days?
Hard on the outside soft on the inside what more can i do..
just keep waiting and waiting.. . . .. .

i'll wait,
but will this wait be 4eva?
i dont want to lose,
what i put my heart into.




Sunday, March 05, 2006, 5:21 PM
all in a week

its all over isn't it? All that was said. How did problems ever get that big,was it really us. I have no doubt about that some matters really concern us but do we have to go through all these jus to get the problem sloved. Since all these is over bringing up would be utter grieved. We should all let it go and everything stays as normal. I do not wish to shed anymore tears, i dun really have much tears next time shedding of blood would be use as a replacement.

I have worries of myself and its hidden within me. I've lost my soul myself.
Is this the kind of life i am living in, i see nothing but sadness and hurt, blood and tears. I would rather be blinded.

Was want i wanted and wish for too much to be fullfilled? Having a simple life with my friends, loveones and a special some1?I'm like living in my own world with emptyness.

Somethings i said it once twice i dun wish to say it over and over. I'm tired, really tired. I wake up thinking it was all jus a dream but no i am living in a reality of myself.

-being my dead self at 6.18pm




Thursday, March 02, 2006, 1:30 PM
-500 ml-

its me i cant get to sleep yesterday i know the reason to it. I keep pouring tears down and thinking of the unexpected. Maybe its just that i let my thoughts wonder too much. i finally saw how frightening death was to take away someone. I felt the sadness of those that once cared and loved him. Around 5.30am i manage to shut my eyes and take a rest wait for the sun to dry away my tears.

i woke up to the morning, eyes puffy stumbled alittle as i walk. I packed my drawers threw away some stuff. I came across my childhood stuff and i suddenly felt a kid in me. Though it was a normal looking sticker book and some fanantic stuff it brought some sweet memories back to me. I was looking back at my sillyness wasting money on such items which i cant get a bite out of them. I *peng when i saw pokemon and sailormoon stickers. I remembered part of the code of sailormoon "wo yao yi yue liang the li liang lai cheng fa ni"
O.O""

my mum also saw the sticker album and told me to throw it away but no, i am safekeeping it...At least it helped to brighten up my day.




Wednesday, March 01, 2006, 9:45 PM
-i understand-

I feel relieved after the thrashing of words today. At least it wont be stored inside me causing me to be overloaded. The anger in me was so overwhelming i just cant control myself from scolding those *toot *toot words. I wasn't being myself so please forgive me. At sometime i wanted to tear and jus cry it all out but i had to control myelf. Its not that they hadn't see me cry its just i dun want to be in my weak and emotional self like wad i was in the past.

I hope boy is feeling ok. He did have something to tell me but i think he hesitated. I know wad it is about now. I really hope that you can tell me about it like i told u about my problems and shared with you my sadness. I may not know how to console a person but i have a listening ear. I was prepared for the worst when he said he had something to tell me. Part of me was afraid, afraid that it would be like the last time the person tt told me something and made me shatter. I put on a brave front when my friends were around but broke down when i was alone. There are times i told myself not to cry, all i needed was time.
Time did really help me , this time no matter how hard it is i will hold on unless he is the one tt lets me go and not want me anymore. I would try my best to balance up both sides friendship and love.

i fell 3 times in my past,
it hurt.
no-one was there to pick me up,
only traces of tears and blood.
now its back to square 1,
i fell into it once more.
i hoped for nothing more,
jus for 1 to be at my side.
I know its hard sometimes,
and i shed tears.
i am not going to give up,
unless i am being discarded
like a life of a old rag doll...



being my weak self once more
at 10.30pm