The one for me♥.

If you're not the one.

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You look so beautiful today
When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away
So I try to find the words that I could say
I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away
And I can't lie
Every time I leave my heart turns gray
And I want to come back home to see your face
And I
Cause I just can't take it
In the end all I wanted you to do is stay here with me.

~~This hurts with every HeartBeat~~

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littlemissdrinkalot
let's get fcuked
Metrosexual
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Pets stuff
sparklette.net
the superficial
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Lets backtrack.

August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 December 2007 October 2008 November 2008 February 2009 March 2009 January 2011 July 2019

take me away

Wednesday, May 31, 2006, 10:14 PM

Demolition lovers

Hand in mine, into your icy blues
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway
With this trunk of ammunition too
I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets ...

another sad song, currently humming to the tune of it.
DEMOLITION LOVERS: its my blog song

got back class test papers today and i see: 8 on both papers.
Apparently i hated maths so that 8 there was dreadful.
i missed by a 0.5..However the other 8 on the other paper
was upon 10..=]
but tsk tsk its onli a class test. I hate to study.
she fainted while looking at the exam schedule.

i got a free bus-ride home today. reason: 1/4 of the journey home, the bus driver decided to "chase" us down the bus cos the air-con system in the front was faulty.
zzZZzz
The driver made it look like as though its an emergency evacuation.
he handed a complimentary ticket to everyone and waited together wid us for the next bus to arrive.
yawnz the sun was scorching hot, my eyes were closing.
my eyebags getting heavier...
officially a new breed of panda.

I was staring at the ceiling yest. nite, i regretted not switching the channel when an advertisement previewing a horror flick was on. It really freak me out so much i kept imaginating stuffs. Luckily i dint have any dolls in my room, i will throw them out.

tml is my cmsk interview, hope i dun do stupid things.
8am lesson i am going to snooze.

she is still in love with the zippo..sighz
the one with the sword pattern.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006, 10:56 PM

fat fat

lmao...i have been eating and eating...indulgence.

soon u will see a piggy.

i had steak for lunch at biz. sch and i was still feeling hungry, walk to bookshop and grab a bottle of minute maid and mars chocolate bar. MARS leh u know how fattening it was wid the caramel.
Walk back to IT sch and had a bowl of honey dew sago.

wid all the food i had i feel like sleeping zzz in the LT.
*slaps*

tt was not all the food i had, sat at burger king after sch and shared cheese sticks + large fries wid gina. and i went home and had dinner?! A Chocolate coated icecream jus went down a few moments ago.

i say goodbye to the usual 48.

pls stop suling frm her food indulgence,
or she really has to sell herself.

another of my comic sketch,
i know its ugly.
dun laugh...O.o

Monday, May 29, 2006, 9:03 PM

tsk!

a usual boring day...nothin special jus plain bored.

no xtra money to go shopping,
no going out on weekdays.
zap.

SOUL- gothic outlook today was outstanding
LUCIFY - kwek, vics i love you to bits...
i still think that gothic suits lucify better.

pic taken by kristin...

you shld have seen her expression when i showed her a bottle of minute maid.
1 btl of it really lightens my day.

i am listing down my shopping list:

1)a punk bag( for kai kai purposes)
2)a white plain belt
3)shoes
4)t-shirts/clothes frm zara
5)cross neckless frm 77th street
6)kai kai bermbs
7)french manicure(end of june)
8)layer my hair..

i think tts abt all =]

7:02 PM

27th

rewind to 27th...

I went back home and face the music. I was expecting the worst to unleash upon me.
My parents came home frm marketing and the 1st thing I heard was my dad shouting at me:
GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!

I dint budge and sat in the living room itself, flipping magazine. I heard a whole load of rantings which include: I want you to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE by the count of 3, you can pack ur stuff and leave. Since you dont have respect for this hse, you dont belong to this house anymore.
I still dint move, i think i was superbly thick-skinned. He came really close to me, i think close enough to gave me a tight slap. Amazingly i dint rebutt him. I myself have a foul and stubborn temper and i tend to rebutt some1 during a quarrel.

I still dun understand a fucking reason y i cant go, i am 18 here and like when do you want me to go clubbing? 30s, 40s? I can imagine a 30+ adult dancing to a trance music.

I cant go shopping anymore, my atm card is confiscated...
I think i have to go out and sell backside.
the thing is i sell will ppl buy?

there goes my zara, topshop.
i'll be back, you'll see...

i want to move out of the hse,
find me a rich bf...
i really need one right now.
i need a bf to go clubbing with.

*she slaps herself at the stupid thoughts*

12:38 AM

clubbin =)

recap: fridae, practically ran back home...dint even talked to my mom. I changed, packed my stuff..while packing i heard her say to me be back by 11pm or the doors would be locked. i dint really respond to it cos its impossible to go clubbing and be back at 11pm. Btw my parents were veri objective of me to go clubbing, i went without their permission. so i would be grounded eventually. I left hse at 6++ and went to gina's place. Got my make-up done. blah blah blah and we headed down to orchard.

met the rest of the gang, and b4 we headed to zouk, we celebrated gina's birthdae =]
we are now officially 18. to me i think 18 does not make much diff. towards freedom, now how i ever wish to be 21.

After quite some time in finding our directions to zouk. we landed ourselves at paterson bus stop waiting for no. 16 to take us there.
"US" includes: lao da,jf,kristin,gr,yh,gina,yun,me

the 1st bus tt came was super flooded. so we waited and waited. i even dialled for a cab but all the operators were busy and i was put on hold so we waited,waited zzzZZzz.

we finally made it to zouk...

our entrance stamp.
A nite of fun and partying.

The hse music was trance which i dun quite fancy that.
the beat was wierd and it goes "teh teh teh" like all the way.
We shared a jug of volka 7up...
The dance floor wasn't veri high at the moment.

Note to self: even though trance music really sux to the core,
after a few gulps of volka, you will know how to dance eventually.

1st time dancing on the dance floor and i think jf said i had "cute" dance steps.
i think i was really spastic at the moment. Luckily after sometime the dance floor was flooded so who cares abt my dance moves anywayz.
I've got gina as my dance partner too =]

My veri 1st time i saw lao da's veri stern expression, was when a caucasian came to ask whether gina and I would like a drink.
Lao da gave a "wo yao da ren liao" face..hahhax

The thing was tt guy was flirting with many gals at the dance floor. poor gals being touched much abt top to toe.
And he was a happy man.

8 bucks for a glass of coke, i was practically astonished.
It was bloody murder i tell you, i rather pay for a glass of volka.

pic taken in zouk.

we left zouk close to the time of 3am. I stayed over at kristin hse due to the fact that i know i would be locked outside even if i did went home.

Thursday, May 25, 2006, 9:51 PM

free morning call.

stupid fucking neighbour, she practically thinks that her house is the whole building itself.
She screams at her son early in the morning. Wad the fuck do u want, you want the whole apartment to hear ur nerve racking voice. I dun need a morning call wid ur voice u know, i rather have my chemical romance as my morning alarm.
tt stupid bitch and ever so dumb son!

arrrrrrrgh! the sound of my frustration.
friendster layout is getting extremely stupid. it was suppose to be made simple but now after its revamp its getting complicated. It took me ages to find the edit profile button. AND it deleted my testimonials...
craze out.
not bothering abt tt sickening website.

oopg assignment due tml...i had never been so "gong gong" looking at those alien codes.
okay maybe i am stupid, i dun even understand a thing seriously. I am just another computer IDIOT. The lectures arn't even covering the entire concept of the assignment and we have to produce the whole load of shit codes...full of shit indeed.

i told my parents i was going clubbing tml, it was a bad choice. Y cant they just be more open, 18 too young for clubbing, totally out i tell you.
For all that matters, i am still going out tml, whether they like it or not. The most they could do would be to file a police report and declare me as missing. Stop giving me the threat: if you go dun ever come home. To me maybe not coming back home is a good thing after all.
am i asking too much?

so much for complaining,
bear with me,
i jus needed to voice it out.

i just cant believe i am still
alive,
its a living hell.

12:05 AM

delighted =D

i've got another birthdae cake =D
was in the lab at 6+pm "doing" the irksome oopg project.
it was when yun + gina carried the candle lited cake into the lab.
Touched...
its been long since i saw yun. And she rushed to tp all the way for me Awww...

i've got prezzies from them too =)

1)the audace hair shampoo was the 1st thing tt caught my eyes.
they are even thoughtful enough to highlight the words on the box for me.
and with the help of guorong being the b4 and after model for it, i think my hair would increase in great amount. hahax

2) vodoo doll have been wanting one ever since i saw it at xcraft, but cant bear to buy it cos it was expensive. An angel vodoo, sweet. Its offically hanging on my wallet.

3) A skirt from 77th street and luckily i dint put on any extra weight,
it fits perfectly. nice colour choice. definately going to wear it =]

Left school around 7+++pm it was going to be 8pm. I had NEVER stayed in sch for such long pathetic hrs- hatred towards OOPG assignment. We were heading towards Ajisen for our dinner(made reservation).

stupid bitch making wrong assumptions. RESERVATION!
Look b4 u act dun be a bimbo and disgrace urself in public,
we dun need attention seekers...

I had a filling meal and i was bloated.
8 of us and our bill was.....: woah wooh woAh!

=X

I want to say thank you gaibang + guorong, you all made my day special.
*huggies*

to her all that really matters,
are her friends.
she is happy like this.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006, 10:06 PM

cake

i've got cake today,
swensen's icecream cake- strawberry peach

shucks getting old in the matter of an hrs ++ time.
i dont wanna grow old.
-------------------------------

ppl saw through me,
i tried not to show it out but,
i lost my true self.

i tried to stay the way i am,
but i think i am lying to myself.

lost myself my soul..

Monday, May 22, 2006, 10:21 PM

LUCIFY!

Vocal - Shinya// Bass - Kuek// Drums -Vics// Guitar -Kelvin// Guitar - Misaki

LUCIFY!
the band was fucking high in the revival round tonite.
If they dun pull though, ppl must be blind.

gothic make-up and their outfit was enough to rock the socks.

JADE!

actually jade wasn't tt bad. I actually like the lead singer =D
but i think if i would to choose either 1 of the grps
it would definitely be lucify of cos.

alritez so much for superband craze
------------------------------------

Had stingray for dinner jus now, you shld had seen my all so delighted face upon seeing it.
It was raining heavily outside, extremely hungry on rainy weathers.
SUP =P
Good thing was i arrived home b4 the stupid rain pour on me.
imagine my ridiculous hairstyle once it gets wet.
And i am in skirt, RAIN spare me cos i onli wear it once in a blue moon.

Te a ge lo_ yo te a ge lo 一起走吧一起走吧
U say hey & i say ho 一起走一起走吧 ...

Saturday, May 20, 2006, 11:33 PM

prezzie =)

goth make-up.
uber craze...

was out today wid brendy. tt women really bought me a slice of cake when i was onli kiddin to her in msn. At that time, i was really hungry so i craved for a cake.
This was it:

it was sweet of her to get me a strawberry shortcake. Strawberries are my favourite too.
Had dinner at crystal jade..ordered alot of food + xiao long tang bao.
We were practically bloated, i even felt a tummy. Mango pudding was our dessert.
Hungry anyone?

condense milk + mango +
pudding + cherry
= delicious mango pudding

We went to walk around and i just couldn't resist the temptation of not buying stuffs. Went in to FOX and got myself the skirt jf and me saw at tm the other time. Sry jf i just can't wait till great singapore sales to come its too long.

it was the last piece with
the size i wanted.

I was trying to find ways for my face to be whiter so that gothic make-up would appear outstanding. I went to face shop and got this:

its kinda shimmering lose power lets hope it would work and not turn my face into a sheet of glitter paper.

BANANA CHOCOLATE dip! whaaaaaaa...and i stood at the counter staring at it. Brendy gave me a treat =]

What's a day without ben and jerry? Where is my chunky monkey and my all time favourite choc. cookie dough?
I bought a regular cup 2 scoops -->$6.80
expensive but i am satisfied.

the scoops were huge!
wahahaha =)

i went back home and opened up the prezzie..

tamagotchi yeah! anxious leh...I veri long never play with such things i feel like a kid again.
Jelly beans =D

haha my pet is known as HAKI..and it looks alien when its born.

aiyo...all it does is eat,sleep
and shit.

It evolves in the matter of minutes. and now its:

sleeping like a pig...
lights off!

ps: xiexie ni brendy & ines for the prezzie =)

12:24 AM

fri

i detest fri, even time the breaks here and there and i have to wait for a stupid tut at 5pm. its practically nonsence.
cmsk today jus passing around the draft of cover letter and resume to let others view ur writeup as well as rank them according to the best and the worst. The ppl in my cmsk class were practically lamers. We dint attached our photo on the resume cos its kinda a draft work and we dint find a need to attached it so...

they drew....!
THEY DREW a self portrait of our face. and its not a fantastic drawing u noe. it really looks spastic and i think the person that drew our group's self-portrait had to be non-other den wilson. He asked a -.-" qn: su ling is a guy or a girl. pengx.
Next thurs i would be having cmsk make-up, handing up all the junk stuff and i think i need to get a formal shirt frm G2000 i dun have a shirt for interview.

see this...its ICECREAM!
haven eaten 1 in decades.
chocolate + vallina + chocolate
= fat and more fats

I dint know the canteen sold icecream until today. after being in sch for so long i felt that either i was blind or i am jus plain dumb. jf, lao da and me were happily munching it away. but still i prefered my fave ben and jerry.

my fringe is really getting annoying so i D.I.Y it and it turned out like this:

kaoz to the max!
ugly lo.

luckily it looks better
tied up. I've got fringe =]

so much for me being zi lian i guess i'd blog off now.

Thursday, May 18, 2006, 10:11 PM

Ghost of you

Ghost oF yoU

I never, said I'd lie and wait forever
If I died we'd be together now
I can't always just forget her
But she could try

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home Could I?
Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever...

Ever...Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are Never coming home
Never coming home Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home Never coming home Could I?
Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

If I fall...
If I fall...
Down

At the end of the world Or the last thing I see
You are Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I.... Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna.....

8:54 PM

cookie frenzy

What is this? Apparently from
the looks of it, its a cookie.
chocolate nut soft chewy cookie
frm famous amos. Am i making
you hunger and crave for it?

Dun worry i am eating it on ur
behalf. thank me for that.
Guess all you can do is jus stare.
And i can sense that u are drooling.

Okay so much for the cookie frenzy, yawnz 2hrs of lesson today. The lecturer was fickle minded whether to have the make-up tutorial today. At the last point it was cancelled, of cos i was delighted. Which meant that i could go back home and get some snooze. I waited till 11am and went for lunch-break with gina and jf. I was astounded by the crowd at the canteen, semester 1 students are just "irksomely" everywhere. Even getting a western meal was a major problem just by looking at the dam bloody queue. I can sense the "shortness" of the queue.

I've bought curry with rice its a stall whereby i dun see a queue. Our table was like so far away from the stalls you can even make a 100m dash back. Its like walking 4ever. gina was still sick she said that she had a hilarious voice, i actually took awhile b4 i laugh. I still could not find the link between the word hilarious and her voice.

Was feeling sianx after lunch, went to walk around tampines mall wid jf and lao da. After years of appearing around tampines area i felt a sense of
"belonging"--->sick of it.
i bought a hairband: to replace the one i broke into half.
cookies: to feed my unresistable cravings.

I went back home, was eating my cookies when my mom was nagging at her ren shen da dao li.
She was saying a whole load of frens stuff asking me to choose the right ppl to befrens with. For fucking sakes i jus came back home i am tired dun you even trust ur own bloody daughter here.
Do appearence really count whether a person seem to be a good fren to me. Who noes u may get a person with an angelic apperence but a devilish heart. Can u stop treating me like i am 5 yrs old. I had enough of the bloody nonsence for coming to 18 years. Sometimes i dun even feel like returning back home. I voiced out my anger, i felt so fucked up i went to bed.
i still hear her nagging......

my bloody lyfe.
living in hell.
I want my freedom,
even if it kills me to obtain it.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006, 10:01 PM

cranky

i was uber bored, browsing over and over the comics that i read.
decided to try my skills on drawing the comic character .

it tured out lyke this:

sheesh i shldn't had traced it wid marker.
it looks she hadn't slept for years, thick eyebags.
kinda looked like its being drawn by a kiddo.

this is much nicer but haha its far
different to the real drawing.

Well at least by drawing it preoccuiped 45 mins of my time span.
Deeply goth minded lately. Cant wait to cover my face with essence of it.

Another day of 8am lesson tml and a bloody 1hr make-up tut at 2pm.
10am its always the time of difficulty of even finding a lab. it really sux when all the labs are full.

the ppl around me are my frens,
not my pressure.
they arn't to be blamed,
for the stupid acts i done.
its myself to be blamed.

sorry for the unhappiness i created.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 10:56 PM

comments.

Kristin and me were discussing in msn on the birthdae card my sis send me yest.

In it there was a part my sis mention that she wanted to wrapped herself up and gave her to me as a present.

i was dumbfounded and sick of that idea.

Hence we were letting our imgination run wild, What would happen if she really parcel up herself to me.

my version of story:

a bomb looking parcel was found this afternoon, and to police suprise its worst than a bomb its an 'irksome' creature hiding inside to be her sister's birthdae present. In order not to scare another person, police decided to send her back home.

kristin came up with her version which i greatly approve of.

kristin's version of story:

an odd-shaped looking parcel was found this afternoon during luggages check at the changi airport, police was astounded by what they have seen inside and decided that the thing should remain inside the parcel until further notification.. furthermore, this person should not be bailed as she looks like she's hiding a massive bomb in herself. 'she just looks odd' said mr tan, the head police officer.

The thought of she remaining inside the parcel is remarkable. At least i wont be facing a 'irksome' creature =D

9:47 PM

yanyan

b4 I officially start my entry, i have something to say: Bloody xia ri feng is getting on my nerves, get them out of superband for blood fucking sake they cant sing xcept for the main singer. The reason they are still in is becos of self-support get alife. we dun need such sound shrieking voices, its deafening for my immune system.

The weather today was stupidly hot, such a day would be meant for sleeping or swimming and not for lessons. okay i am giving lame excuses jus to get to slacking mode. My darling gina is sick today, get well soon girl. she caught flu virus and was looking pale. Worst than my sick looking face the other time. She was feeling cold and in order to make her feel better kristin suggested of going to the stadium to run afew rounds...pao pao pao
hahaz kiddin i can imagine a sick person running, i think a normal person would collaspe while running in such weather.

in the end we lazed around at the study table near the stadium. Our "lao di fang", i felt memories coming back once more.

kristin brought her fave. snack along

I took my 1st stick and it says:

technically its a phrase meant for an owl.
hoot hoot.

We did this:

crunch crunch...

After so much of re-taking shots and yan yan sticks practically getting shorter, i found out that we dun have a need for yanyan to be in the picture. They are tasty however not photogenic =]

i found out that high-angle pics taken are better looking.

I also did some photo-whoring myself

i realize i have a dao face when i dun smile.
i love being dao.

Fresh air really helps..gina looks better after awhile she was even craving for shi ling's taiwan mee sua. =)

lyfe is simple and plain,
i dun have any complains.
but overall its not having material things
that would make me a happy person.

i dun mind playing my life wid fire,
in order to be happy.

Monday, May 15, 2006, 11:41 PM

fcuk

tired of living every day aimlessly. its lyke i got no fucking lyfe.

dammit i have to piece myself together.

ciggies taste like grass,
sooner or later i will be on it,
reason: zippo is veri nice!

8am lesson sux, and i am off to bed.
nitex to the world out there.
i cant wait to vanish.

10:12 PM

mail!

i've got mail today =]
By the looks of the stamp itself its definate to be frm my sis.

i opened it and this was what i saw:

(how irritating can it get?)

so much for a 'thoughtful' birthdae card...
look inside and there are more dreadful stuffs, jus waiting to be spotted.

clicky to enlarge...

yesh i am crying now-> tts becos i found this:

(handphone strap)

i think is the only thing worth crying for outta the whole package.
At least she has good taste.
Consider you still have at least a heart for your lil sis.

Dun you feel like crying when u see it hanging on my precious phone.
i felt it cos its hanging onto it right now at this point of time.
i can feel the pain "ouch" my poor phone.
btw xie xie ar...i'll be waiting for the real gift when u get back =D

Sunday, May 14, 2006, 11:40 PM

Happy mother's day. She's happy i am more delighted with the goodies i get. its like i am celebrating along wid her.

i got new clothes, new hp wad more can i ask for? okies those are kinda my birthdae prezzies.
happy 18 i guess. shld i be delighted being 18?

Had mos burger meal for dinner jus now, i missed strawberry milkshake. Nvm at least i had my milktea :)

9am lab lesson tml..eyung lecturer and his maple craze. I still dun find the interest in hitting simply adorable mushrooms.

I wonder y am i still sick after such a long time. izzit the medication isn't working or am i seriously ill. heck tt i think i jus let it be until 1 day i probably jus vanished.

------------------------------------------------------
its somewhat i feel that something's missing,
and i kinda know what it is.

me and my stupid lyfe..

1:40 AM

To find my once self.

note to self: be yourself, be happy =]

Saturday, May 13, 2006, 12:56 AM

the 2nd me.

have been slacking at home for the most of today, i dunno why i jus dint want to move about jus wanted lying around at a particular spot. I kept switching channels, i even watched cartoon: smurfs, teenage multant nija turtles and lol HE-Man?? lmao guess that i was practically bored to death and kinda alone in this dreaded hse. Friends are busy with their own lives can't hang out wid me so guess that i will be hanging out with me and myself.

Went out for dinner in the evening, suntec was practically flooded with ppl i see already i felt the urge to head back home and sleep. I recently have been giving attitude problems towards the people around me, sorry for that. I guess that its either i am feeling pek chek or jus tt i want some quiet time. I will try to prevent it frm happening, maybe i need some1 to scream at me, it will work, trust me. Had dinner at crystal jade...my mum seriously saw my AP behaviour and well asked me about it. She said that i changed. Okay guessed that i changed i realize it myself too, but haiz i cant explain it out to her when i cant even get things right for myself.

I wanted to pay for the dinner kinda well as a treat for mother's day but i had a failure of snatching the bill frm the waitress when my dad issued his credit card. I even grab the waitress when she was holding onto the bill. My dad ask the waitress to GOGOGO and she really GOGOGO lo...i -.-"
Guess that cash is nothing compared towards credit cards. sobz
its still money wad not say i use rupia or ren ming bi =X

While walking towards the supermarket, I passby a newly open outlet. I went to check it out and realise it was OP(ocean pacific). A tee attracted my attention so i took it down and have a look. I ask my mother for opinion and she say: okay la not bad. She was also browsing through and she say: This one nicer. I look at it i got a shock out of my entire life that i almost fainted.
It was a tee with big big flowers on it machiam da hong hua oki...i shldn't have asked her for opinion in the 1st place.

i bought the shirt(pls nt the flower one hor), and i went to pay for it secretly. I dint want them to pay for it.
Bought some things at the supermaket and headed home.

Going out wid gina tml, guess that i'll be sleeping soon or else later her alarm clock also overslept.
--------------------------------------------
i try to live pass day by day,
to be happy.
All i found was,
a change
a 2nd me.

and its worser.

Thursday, May 11, 2006, 8:34 PM

its just a memory.

Sometimes i just can't help but to let my memories run,
flash-backs.
I think it would be gone 4ever,
if a car happens to knock me down.
A brain-wash would be a good solution.
---------------------------------------
i think i would break-down really soon,
if i dont get out of my sealed up space.
Guess one day i have to try going shopping,
watching movie alone. Maybe its not as bad
as i thought it would be all i need is those cash
in my wallet.

Now i find that by splurging,
even if its jus buying things that i dont need,
i feel happier.
But dont get the wrong mind-cept,
i am not tt materialistic.

Dint went to the doctor today,
i felt restless when i was dragged to go.
I dint sleep either i just spend my time,
in my own room.
Practically, i was staring into space.

Ever thought of yourself in a huge empty space,
needed some1 to talk to, hear ur cries.
i think that would be my inner self-
what i am feeling right now.

i think all that would be with me now,
would be a new bottle of cough syrup:

me and my cough mixture...
+ a packet of tablets.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006, 10:00 PM

groggy.

feeling ever so groggy, still sick. coughing the whole day long. Even a slient lecture hall would be erupted by the sound of my cough. 1 bottle of cough mixture dint even have the working effect, guess that i need to drink down a few more bottles of it. Probably going to die on medication.

Tml is slacking day, 8-10am lab lesson and i have break-time till monday morning lolx.
Going to lab to do the assingment. Have to finish it by this week and i have to rush out on the cmsk. Absoutely crappy have to put my passport size photo on the resume itself. I want to retake my photo. The fact is passport size pic never look good. Maybe i put the blame on the photo when its my face thats the reason to it all.

Great going to be 18 in 2weeks time...getting old. I dun feel the great excitement abt it, jus treat it as a simple day that passes-by. Guess that the onli thing i look forward to would be clubbing. I think i need a crazy night away. 1st thing 1st i have to think of a way to hav a excuse to spend the night outside. Getting older each year i still cant get the freedom i want, i am still a kid in their very eyes...I think that i would be tied down when i am even at the age of 21.

------------------------------------------------------------
if i have a hate in me to a particlar person,
i wont even talk to her/him.
so....
it would be advisable nt to let mindcept
wonder abt.

Seriously,
its childish =].

Tuesday, May 09, 2006, 11:29 PM

i kissed dating goodbye!

Sometimes love is like sunshine bright and warm, othertimes its like pouring rain heavy and wet.

I learned to let go... and not see the fact i lack of a sunshine in my life. I am finding my own sunshine.Its good living my life lyke that, i dun have to worry abt the problems and i dun hav to waste those tears and xpect to get some things in return.Well at least now i know what i am looking for and who noes "ming tian hu gen hao".I quit playing silly games- I kissed dating goodbye!

First few months were indeed honeymoon days, after u get to know more abt each other maybe its time to think:is he perfect?

Let me tell u my ans: NO!

in this world no-one is perfect. not even me,myself. no perfect lover exist.Indeed you would be expecting more and the next you would be comparing.In your mindcept you would be thinking: Y is he like this, cant he be any better.

I gave a thought about it and came to a conclusion: I have to accept him for who he is.You can't change a person, be it me or you.If you want a perfect person, i guess i have to give u a generator- A perfect bf generator. You can adjustur preferences, his looks, his character, his behaviour,like/dislikes etc. Than tada you would have a jue dui nan you.

Sometimes different couples have different problems maybe you just dun see it upfront.Its "good" to quarrel at times -> it helps to overcome problems and it tightens the bond.I dint even have a chance to quarrel so look on the brightside. =)Take a step at a time, voice it out it a calm manner, it takes time.DO NOT XPLODE AT EACHOTHER! it will cause a valcano eruption and matters would get worser.Maybe its time to hear each other out.

A small spark is all it takes to light up a fire. Nothing is impossible that cannot be solved.
No matter what happens there is always a me there for you and others around you. stay happy =]
----------------------------------------------------------
sometimes such things are easy to say,
but i know its hard.all
those words, promises
gone....

i dont want you to care abt me,
hate me,
i would feel better in a way.

Monday, May 08, 2006, 10:58 PM

maybe it would be better if u dint care..

abt me.

10:05 PM

lucify

i was bored so i did some doodling...

Lucify the word of dark,
tempting and dangerous.

Blood was never meant to be pure,
sins and evil.

angels fall to their knees,
dark fallens rose to their stand.

Black wings,
let the night flow....

Sunday, May 07, 2006, 9:37 PM

I just dun love u no more...

Don't love u no-more...

[VERSE 1] For all the years that I've known you baby

I can't figure out the reason why lately

you've been acting so cold (didn't you say)

If there's a problem we should work it out

So why you giving me the cold shoulder now

Like you don't even wanna talk to me girl (tell me)

Ok I know I was late again

I made you mad and dinners thrown in the bin

But why you making this drag on so long (i wanna know)

I'm sick and tired of this silly games (silly games)

Don't think that I'm the only one here to blame

It's not me here who's been going round slamming doors

That's when you turned and said to me

I don't care babe who's right or wrong

I just don't love you no more.

[CHORUS] Rain outside my window pouring down

What now, your gone, my fault,

I'm sorry Feeling like a fool cause

I let you down

Now it's, too late, to turn it around

I'm sorry for the tears

I made you cry

I guess this time it really is goodbye

You made it clear when you said

I just don't love you no more

[VERSE 2] I know that I made a few mistakes

But never thought that things would turn out this way

Doesn't make sense to me now that your gone (I see it all so clearly)

Me at the door with you in a state (inner state)

Giving my reasons but as you look away

I can see a tear roll down your face

That's when you turned and said to me

I don't care babe who's right or wrong

I just don't love you no more.

[BRIDGE] Those simple words hit so hard

They turned my whole world upside down

Girl you caught me completely off guard

On the night you said to me

I just don't love you more.

[CHORUS 2X] Rain outside my window pouring down

What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry

Feeling like a fool cause I let you down

Now it's, too late, to turn it around

I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry

I guess this time it really is goodbye

You made it clear when you said

I just don't love you no more

Artist: Craig David

Saturday, May 06, 2006, 9:41 PM

38.9

recap: fri was the worst sickening day, have breaks a few hrs here and there. Out of frustration i decided to go to saloon to dye my hair instead of waiting long hrs for a tut. Guess what, my hair is black now...hmm.. actully the colour is blue-black so when it fades there is a tint of blue. Tired of the light colours so i decided to cover it all up. I got a shock of my life to see my hair so black, its been long since i have totally black hair.

After tt i went home and i suddenly felt veri sick, i took a short nap and i was freezing cold even though i had a comforter blanket over me. I've got fever again, no choice had to go see the doctor. At that point of time my temp. was 38.9..phew dint break my last time record.I was drowsy until i had mistaken a cat for a dog.
I was afraid that my fever would be the on/off type like last time. I fear to throw up. This afternoon had a slight fever, took the medication down and it ease down.

Depressing, my hamster is missing. I think it opened the cage door and escape. Sigh, how many deppressing stuff do i have to take in 1 week. I think the big man up there thinks i am leading too much of a happy life so here i am.

I saw the testimonal kristin left for me, felt like crying after i read it. I am touched, thanks for the encouragement u gave me. I learn something from the book: The more i put my heart into it, the more pain i get in return. Seriously, i dint even cry.

Maybe i am just not showing it upfront, its just my personality of not showing my weakness to others around me. I learn that no matter how much i cry, things will still be the same so why not live a happy life away.

oki i said enough of the wadever thingy...I got a crocs flip-flop =D

nice and comfy...

Had to say my parents were in a good mood to buy me tt. My scars weren't healing so i bought a concealer to cover up everything. Not doing any more "meng" stunts anymore, i learn it in a hard way.

huo zai zi ji de shi jie li,
ni kuai le, wo kuai le,
jiu hao le.

wo cong lai mei hou hui guo,
yong you zhe hui yi.

Thursday, May 04, 2006, 9:36 PM

tired

lab lesson 8am-10am....10am-3pm slack all the way and waited for the sickening make-up lesson. 10-11am gaibang members were having lesson so i dint really want to be alone, went to engine sch and attended some1 else lec. Once i stepped into LT i heard ppl say: who is tt, never see b4 de. lolx...I was afraid tt i would be chased out. hahaz dunno what maketing intellgence lec. super boring. I was jotting down notes instead cos some1 there was lazy to do so and i did some doodling on the notes itself hahaz. Although u cant see this but, thanks for the accompany.

Went back to IT sch and met jf and gina, we went to cafe to eat. I ordered mushroom n motzeralla cheese pizza, rasberry soda and have a bite off the potato salad. yumz =)
Dint know tt a pizza would be tt filling, i was bloated.

After tt went to business canteen, jf and laoda ordered ren jian mei wei = chao fan. hur tt time i wanted to order but dun have it. Got soup of the day free: xi yang cai tang hahahax faint....

Went to lab to slack..decided to do the online cmsk grammer exercises. Dint want to read the notes so i ticum my way through the 2 quizes. Until the 3rd quiz on parallelism i encounter difficulty...1st try of ticum i got : 10 /80 , 2nd try: 20/80 oki so this is nt going to be any better so i read the notes and did a 3rd try this is wad i saw....

yaWnx zzzz...tragic and i laughed at my stupidness. I did a 4th attempt of ticum and i made it finally 50/80...phew
At tt point of time i tot i was a grammer dummy.

Had my last lesson of lab and i was feeling woosy. My cough got worser and i had a splitting headache. I really needed some rest. Hope i get well soon, b4 i start scaring ppl away.

8am lesson again for tml. haix...with such a timing on hand i wonder how much of rest i can get.

time heals...the truth is: time numbs.

ru guo you ren dui wo shuo: wo hui zhao gu ni yi bei zi,
wo xiang na shi de wo yi ding shi hen kai xin de...

tian zhen de wo, tian zhen de xiang fa.
bu ke neng de...

Wednesday, May 03, 2006, 8:41 PM

sighsighx

feeling ever so sleepy today, restless and eye-bags are like duper heavy as though i dint slept for a few days. i think its becos of the frequent no. of days of 8am lessons, trust me they are killer days.

Today hmm..nth much really happen, xcept the point where i was climbing up the stairs and almost got knock on the head by a murderous mineral water bottle thrown down from dunno where. I think the person mus have a huge vengeful hatred towards me killing me with a ever so harmless water bottle...Luckily i know how to siam. Finally my sore-throat is gone, my voice is back.=)

Sometimes i cant help to think abt the things that happen, those memories...i need time to heal and to 4get everything. Want to spend some time alone and to set myself loose. At least i still had frens all around me they are my strength for my days ahead.

My poor sister is being harassed abroad...pls sis no matter wad dun bring the monster named: edward back wid you. I will definately close the door shut on him. Find some1 better....

Thinking about changing my hair colour, i think this time it would be a darker shade.
8am lab lesson tml *pukes*

what is wireless? wireless is when u 4get to plug in the plug lmao! -.-"

times i wonder are those really reasons.. . .. .
Thinking, her silent thoughts.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006, 11:23 PM

sick...

8am lab lesson today..potter was late for lesson, so much for the panic rush.Assignments are out also, my xpression --->siAnx
Ate alot of food today..splurging money on them. I can feel the lightness of my wallets within jus the matter of mins. I was bloated. Went to norwagen cafe(smelly cafe), its been long since we last visit.

L04 does not = to LT4 lolx it was a silly and paisei mistake we went to the wrong LT and sat there. We notice the diff. lecturer and tot tt it was a replacement. After tt i notice the lecturer and students turning their heads to our direction staring at us. Tts when the lecturer kinda ask whether we were in the correct LT. lolx den we errr oppx oppx paisei and went out.

Watched 8 below wid kristin today, cute huskies...i jus adore them.

I am offically sick today, caught a cold...throat is sore. strepsils dun seem to work. and tt blister on my pinky finger hurts. Next time when i cook i will be wary of my fingers.
hope i still have my voice to talk tml.

Monday, May 01, 2006, 11:23 PM

single and free again no problems no worries, just frens and ben n jerry to go with =D

its better this way, at least i wont be hearing any more empty promises and excuses to go with.
hoping to find mr. right soon enough =)

happy shalalala.....