If you're not the one.
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You look so beautiful today
When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away
So I try to find the words that I could say
I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away
And I can't lie
Every time I leave my heart turns gray
And I want to come back home to see your face
And I
Cause I just can't take it
In the end all I wanted you to do is stay here with me.

This hurts with every HeartBeat

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Lets backtrack.
August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 December 2007 October 2008 November 2008 February 2009 March 2009 January 2011 July 2019
take me away
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Friday, June 30, 2006, 10:22 PM
my freaky friday

i always hated friday, breaks are all over the place and it dragged lessons till 6pm.
I had to wait for a 1hr tut at 5pm, how stupid is that.

i missed a dsag tut at 11am today, i was having muscle cramps all over, i dun feel like moving.
so i just lay on my precious bed lazily.
Dsag clear leave.

attended cmsk and our groupings were regrouped. there is a bimbo flower in my group.
(8 duo hua)
and if i am not wrong its ce's bimbo flower.
She asked me whether she could take a look at my phone, i let her have it.
she was kinda high when she noticed my hp theme profile cursor vibrates upon cursor movement. She browsed my pictures folder and she kinda said" inside all your zi lian pictures".
-.-
it was meant to be kidding but her frequency is different from mine.



ok ok i admit i committed a crime of being zi lian.





but if you don't love yourself now, when are you going to do that.
I wont know what happens tml or the day after tml.
At least when i am gone I would have pretty pictures.
*pardon me for loving myself*


I had DURIAN just now..simply delicious.




Thursday, June 29, 2006, 11:14 PM
All in one.

I went for the track and visited the gym.
my stamina is dropping at high rate.
i only ran for 3 rounds of the stadium and i am panting.
its not even 2.4km.
I can hear the loud rumbling of milo in myself while running.
so much for making full use of the sports and wellness fee.

I finally handed up the bloody DSAG assignment and i am left with 2 more.
Someone help me, i am desperate.

After much of slacking, kristin and I went down to matilda bay.
I was eager to see manjah and her kittens, its been long seen i last saw them.



manjah



my favourite 3 colour combo
kitten..


kristin's baobei mao


There is another black colour kitty but its kinda anti-social.


Had dinner at matilda bay, and i had bbq boneless chicken, chicken wings and Carona.


4.6% Carona- nice btl

so much for the exercising, I gain back all of the weight i loss.
Luckily to say that i can afford to eat all I want cos i am still skinny.

To see the smiles of the ppl around me,
I am a happy girl.
It stays as memories for a lifetime.




Wednesday, June 28, 2006, 10:32 PM
the times.

remember those times,
how we got to know each other.

the times of,
your stupid jokes, my laughter.

the times of,
the little sweet things.

the times of,
text messaging.

the times of,
phone call.



i really missed them all..




Tuesday, June 27, 2006, 11:01 PM
9pm!

9pm and where the hell was i? in sch! yes i said sch...
fuck, i had never in my whole life stayed in sch for such long hours.
Oh btw, i was in sch since 8am.

At least kristin had her yan yan and hello panda biscuits the other time.
I was practically starving in the com lab, looking at bloody codes for dsag.
My brain cells were completely zapped, it was totally vacummed.
I was so hungry i kept thinking of a box of pokey to fly towards me.
*sheesh*

Stupid yh, kept saying how delicious the chicken pie was.
Make me feel like slapping him.

Visual studio that stupid software made me recreate the design layout for dunno how many donkey times..
I felt so bad to make kristin loose her design also
me:sorry kristin =/
Can imagine the amount of blood I had puked, enough to fill up loads of jerrycans.

Luckily steven was there to help and I rushed out the retarded phonebook.
DO NOT EVER MENTION PHONEBOOK INFRONT OF MY FACE!
I had more den enough.



i wont live through poly life,
i tried..
and i am tired, sick
of everything.
--------------
Sometimes she feels like ramming into a wall,
to pass out unconcious.
At least she wont ponder too much.




brazil pls score 3-0




12:10 AM
world cup.

tsk tsk i know world cup is once every 4 years,
so go ahead with your sleepness nights.

luckily i dun have cable tv in my hse or else i would have my sleepness nights also.

Don't turn into a cup.
get some rest, water.
you dont die watching soccer.

think about the girly not about the soccer ball.
although the ball is rather chio.

i donated $20 bucks to singapore pools.
my makes me want to bet some-more.
next please...


thinking about the assignment due dates coming jus next to each other,
i dont even have the time to exercise.
i want to go swimming, i want to play squash, i want to go running.

for the time being i will stick to exercising my brain cells.
YAWNZ!wtf =X




Monday, June 26, 2006, 12:36 AM
things..

the things around her,
everything.


she misses them already.
sometimes
someone
jus have to hurt.
that some1
would be [me].

she is cranky,
she is bad.
she's nothing..

let her memories run.
its the thing that keeps her going.




Friday, June 23, 2006, 10:51 PM
bitch like me.

22/06

was out at the roads of orchard, was meeting my aunt to go shopping.
tai tais i must say.
11am?? i was at wisma at tt timeslot.
i dint know shopping could make ppl exercise,
at the rate of her brisk walking, its my running speed.
so much for the discounts, club 21 members are often slim.

err..with the discounts all around, my aunt also bump into
all her shopping kakis.
from the 3 of us shopping, we ended up with a 6.
i was wondering, how do u put a relation of a cousin's cousin?
i mean my cousin is her cousin so does it mean that we are cousins also?
its complicated.

Anyways, i got to know her for the 1st time.
At 1st i thought she was my age. the way she dress, brands and stuff.
I found out she was only in sec 3, her name is dionise.
I was luckily to have her around, least i had someone to talk to while my aunt and her mom do the shopping.
After getting to know her better, I found out that i had a fair amount of freedom.
Maybe to them, i appear to be the bad girl the ah lian with 6 ear holes.
i know i shldn't have gave her the story of my life, the bad side of me.
Dionise: If u know that u are bad, u are considered not bad already.
me: tts kinda true.
I just wanted to let her know not to follow my footsteps.
I am a bitch afterall.

I ended the trip with an armani tee, disel sleeveless and a ripcurl skirt.
--------------------------------------
23/06

I finally caught the movie silent hill.
alan made up to me as my birthdae treat..

--------------------------
the movie: it really was like a comedy, though it was meant to be scary.
faith to believe in urself and not the others around u.
death was their ending. They return "home", not realizing
they were already in their dead form.
-------------------------

he is the one guy friend i can share my stories with.




i ended my day with..



the usual favourite. Next time i have the cravings i jus have to walk to the petrol kiosk and grab them..


its a dead dream we are now talking about,
not a fairytale.
fairytales dun come true,
they lie.




Wednesday, June 21, 2006, 9:47 PM
newyork pizza

was at kbox cineleisure with jf and yun. it was to be a gaibang outing but its a long story so it ended up with the 3 of us. We really sang till our hearts content, 1st time we dint get cut off till the very last song.


tsk tsk...i fallen in love with singing.
"qi qiu" song really makes me breathless.

always stand up and do breathing exercise before singing high notes, it helps.


Dont act high during peaceful songs its dumb looking.
(i was wondering what songs and make ppl high and shake in the room opposite us)

always note that kbox room doors are transparent, means i can see u.

we left kbox at 6+pm.
---------------------------------------------

had dinner with yun, its our long awaited newyork pizza on our menu.
Y can't they open more branches.
why why why...
oh jus shut up and eat.lolx




-yun and her the orginal pizza-


hungry?i can see that u are drooling..
muahaha..u can see but u cant touch.


yun, lets have more pizza next time =D




Friday, June 16, 2006, 9:50 PM
doki doki..

3.30pm was the time i woke up today. I had never felt so refreshed. The fly-pass of planes woke me up actually or else i would have laze in more. Guess the national stadium was really happening with all the rehersals.

Remember the times, back then holding onto red umbrellas marching towards the stadium field. Forming up a huge nation flag pattern with other CCA groups. Watching ppl around us just faint off 1 by 1 under the scorching heat. Stood there in a sedia position, legs aching waiting for the march pass. Having nothing but constant KFC and pizza for our meals. I was one of them, 1 of those girls in the midist of the parade. it was the year 2003, a memorable event.
I even remembered a boy ramming his head into the loud speaker with a loud "pom" while we were dispersing in the darkness. Sad to say, the speaker was really huge in size and i wonder how he did it.

Fireworks, were also set off in the nite sky. I was lazy to take a stroll out to have a look. Ever wondered where ur 5% GST ended up? I think u better go and have a look at the fireworks it might be part of it.



she loves seeing colours that filled up the night sky,
however beautiful things dun last.
its memorable.




Wednesday, June 14, 2006, 8:14 PM
specs....

i've got my specs and shades ready:






there u have it the b4 and after effect.
note to self: i look stupid in shades..




grab those sunnies and specs.
ps: model not included for grabs.




2:12 PM
...

my say:




To: the sick ppl outthere,
take care of urself.
get well.
[=


she cant do anything else,
but to type it here.




Tuesday, June 13, 2006, 9:00 PM
pills



This would be part of my life now, i am grateful at lease it has some nice picture on it.
Feeling much better today.

My sudden pale face really scare the hell outta ppl. My lips and face were turning white. I was in sch, surppose to be figuring out projectwork but i dint know where to start off. (Actually i dont even know how to do the project)
I had headache, cough and I was feeling breathless. I just couldn't stand the pain much longer so had to get some panadol from the bookshop. I popped 2 pills down.
I guess the pills was taking effect and i was feeling drowzy, i wanted to fall alseep jus anywhere.
Cant spend a minute longer in sch, i left with kristin.

Went to look for simyen, had already planned to have dinner with her after my "work". Luckily her hse was just opposite techno kopitiam. I went up to her hse and looked for her. I reached lvl 7 and dial for her to open the door. I was so sick, i mistaken lvl 9 to be 7, the good thing was i dint press the door bell. I would be so embarassed if i did so.

I haven met up with her abt a month or so, i pour out all my real life drama to her. My cough got so bad, my asthma came back and i had difficulty breathing. She told me to have dinner at her place since i wasn't really well to go anywhere else. Finished dinner and she took me down to the clinic. Dint wait long to see the doc. cos i already got my waiting number through the phone call.
The doc. gave me 4 packets of pills and a btl of cough mixture.
pills pills pills and more pills...
----------------------------------

I felt better today so i went to the cmsk workshop in the afternoon. At least the speaker wasn't boring. However thinking about the amount of money she earns to give a talk no wonder she dint bore us to death. With just thousands of dollars flowing into ur pocket, i dun mind being a image consultant either.
Start dreaming...


i DIY my hair colour to brownish black, lets hope the colour stays this time round.
I want back my black hair.




one day she might be taken back,
her life is like a drama, would end up with a sad ending.
she is weak....veri




Monday, June 12, 2006, 12:17 AM
guai =]



the guai version of me. i can be looking guai at times u noe.
tsk tsk..

fcuk brand: french connection united kingdom?
i wanted to get a shirt but lmao the brand name gave my parents a nono.
they say is vulguar lolx.
to me its jus a brand name moreover its 2 diff. things u see.

fuck is not fcuk- see its different.

nvm i got another shirt to make up for it.



rosebullet a brand i never heard of, but its from japan. even the carrier bag looks appealing.




i just love the pattern at the back, tt was wad that attracted me.
The ppl in japan are really slim, their clothes onli come in 1 size.
its time i get some exercise, sunlight and try my luck in slimming down abit.
Been a long time since i am out in the sun, i fall sick easily without it.
i just want to bask in the sunlight but it has been pouring lately.

feeling hungry now i guess i'll go ransack some food.




she cried today,
thinking back the past.
finally she cried.




Sunday, June 11, 2006, 1:58 AM
a lil something

she is a:

Chestnut Tree (Honesty) -- Of unusual stature, impressive, well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior. feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.


received this from an e-mail, its quite true.
expecially the last sentence.




1:03 AM
soccer

it was a scary morning i was awakening to. Rain was pouring heavily, flashes of lightning and the loud booming of the thunder. I hated the sound of thunder, the fear of the loud sound.
It was an empty house, i was alone.
------------------------------------

i went out to have my lunch/dinner, and i got my specs. replaced. I've got 2 pair actually, 1 is a normal degree specs and the other one is made into shades. The shop was having a discount for the 2nd pair tts why. The frame is plastic and its polo.
Goodbye to my contact lenses, i left it in the lens case with solution and chuck it aside for months and the solution dried up resulting the lens to be stuck at the base of the casing.
I tried to rescue it yest. by pouring some solution in and it made "sizzling" noises. I was stunned when i saw the solution foaming. It went into the dustbin. its permanent lenses btw.

Dropped off at sengkang and waited for kristin to knock-off from work. I was going to her hse to watch soccer match (England Vs Paraguay). b4 that we headed to ang mo kio, its been long since we had our last pool game. Did i mention we were betting on soccer match? hahax
After having a hard time figuring out how to place bets we ended up spending abt half an hour jus to place it. Now i know even if u want to bet, there is a need for a certain knowledge.
We were the onli "zha bos" betting soccer, and around us i see ppl staring. lolx is there a crime for girls to bet soccer? stop staring at us, we are not aliens...!
i place a bet of $10...just wanting to play for fun.


this is wad i bet on...

Had a short round of pool. My aiming is getting worse and i have been giving loads of free balls.
cant even get a simple ball in even wid a free ball in hand..haix
life is like that, there will be ups and downs...lolx
As suay as can be we saw colourful headed, he spotted us and came over.
I gave him a ever so friendly "hello".

England scored 1-0 when i reached kristin's hse. However its not the score i wanted.
I sense no hope in getting 3-1 when half-time was over. The score remain stagnant at 1-0.
it was disappointing to see them wasting time dribbling the ball here and there.
expecially the no.4 kept kicking far range ball when he was near the goal-post (kick so far, go be goal-keeper la). Owen was being replace my mood immediately dropped.





final score: 1-0
England won, but i lost.
so much for beginner's luck.

she went home with a sorethroat. she is getting sick.




Friday, June 09, 2006, 9:31 PM
shopping =]

the tests are finally over....
*she screams*
i am officially free for 2 weeks however, i have to go back to tp to get the projects done.
i sense that i am going to flung today's paper.
i was having headache and flu, i took the panadol flu tablet and *plong* i went to bed.
dint even have the mood to study nor to revise.
database really suck.

sick but i dint went home after the paper.
its a friday, i dint want to be stuck at home alone. I would most likely be talking to the floor if i went home. Went shopping wid lao da and jf at orchard. I sense the brightness effect of me in the middle of both of them oppzie =X

my footwear is always a prob. when it comes to rainy days, it cant sense friction on smooth surfaces. I think someday i would really slip and fall to death.

i can picture the scene:

today a girl age 18 was found dead in orchard, her cause of death was really unfortunate. A witness saw the whole footage and tells us about it.
reportor: do you know what is the cause of her death?
witness: oh yes, she slipped, fell and died...
-.-"

I almost fell to the ground 2wice because of tt flops.
so i got this from mary jane..



it looks nice. jus hope tt it is slip free and i dun get blisters frm it.

when i was at the edge, i heard a voice calling out to me.
it was coming from...



yes a shirt..got it from toss.
jf said it was calling out to me. She bought a long sleeve shirt too and we got a 50% off.
now i guess u all kinda know wad type of clothes i prefer.=]

might be wondering where i get the money to go shopping...
its a secret onli 3 ppl knew.



maybe i really stood outside the lane and got sold.
-wrapped up and delivery to ur doorstep-




Thursday, June 08, 2006, 4:51 PM
hmmph

wo yao da ren le!
i was at panic fright when i discover my whole pencil box missing this morning.
Okay maybe its just a normal pencil box with all the stationery inside and nothing else rite?
WRONG!

technically, i place my caculator, specs and my matric card inside the pencil box as well.
ok maybe i was being stupid to place so many stuff into 1 pencil box.
But the dam box is big so i dump all my stuffs in it.
*she puked a few buckets of blood*
the thing that made me more sian was the voodoo doll i received on my birthdae was attached onto the bloody box also.
*dui bu qi gaibang T.T*
I feel so guilty to loose something which meant alot to me.
y cant i loose myself too, i dun value much anyway.

Tragic, i dint have the mood to concentrate on the paper today. The whole time i was thinking of where i left my stuff. Kris and I went down to the LT 11 to check after the paper. The room was locked shut. Went to lvl 7 and i phone onion to check if he had the LT room key. I guess he was busy cooking breakfast he dint pick up the call.
"aiya my sunnyside up going to chao ta already, who calling me.."
lolx...-.-
I remembered that Lian boh lin was in the LT invigorating yest. so i dialed her. she was super nice, she took the LT keys and went down with us.
However...haix dint find anything there. =/
The lecturer told me to leave my contact no. with her so she could check around if anyone was using the LT and had saw my stuff.
She's the 1 lecturer i love most in IT sch.

She called me a few mins later, and said some1 found my stuff and left it at the general office.
At 1st i tot phew i finally found my stuff back and i met a kind soul.

i only manage to get back my.....
matric card.
*pukes more blood*

conclusion: if u lose something in tp, its gone 4ever.

i spend a total of $17.20 on new stationery.
i am going to stand outside my lane soon.

wishlist
1)a new specs to replace the missing one
2)a money tree

i am falling sick again.


feeling shattered each time i see you,
i lost it.
its the past it will never be the same again.




Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 10:24 PM
study..

maths, i hate it so much.
kill me for i will kill myself eventually.









arrrgh!
dying self...
latest motto: united we flung?
i think tts onli applicable for my case.

note to self: study la still blog wad blog.




Saturday, June 03, 2006, 11:40 PM
interesting facts.





do i look all so gothic to you?
i think tts because i dint have a good sleep in like weeks.
nvm its a good gothic effect.

some interesting things abt me:

I have 2 eyes,
a nose and a mouth.

hands+ legs+body.
height of 163cm
weight of 48kg without food,
49-50kg wid loads of food.

see so interesting...wth

i caught the sneak preview of slithers today,
its disgusting. its m18 btw, i got checked off my ic.
maybe i look too cute to be 18 tts why.

so many nice horror flims are going to be out,
but who is going to catch them wid me?
nvm study 1st, termtest is next week..arrgh!
*i dun wanna study*shrugs

I found the long sleeve shirt i want,
its white and its frm rusty.

heard this song playing on the radio:

mei yi ci zeng kai yan jing,
dou xiang kan dao ni.....
...............

sry,wo hai shi bu hui
fang qi ai ni...

i think its sung by rainie,
but i dun know the title.

its sweet...




Friday, June 02, 2006, 11:07 PM
kiddos



i was at techno today, had ban mian for breakfast.
i had never eaten such hard ban mian in my lyfe.
Drank limeade for the 1st time and i think
its miserable compared to the lemonade.

Went to the playground and slack while
we all wait for our lesson.



sweet innocent little ones.
this little boy was gina's little angel.
okay they were adorable, i admit.



I prefer this little gurl instead.
shes sooo cute.

the reason i hate little kids, is
when they cry. The sound of their cries
is so high pitch i want to lock them up
in the storeroom or in the toilet.
Knowing that eventually they would
stop crying once they get tired.
*bleahs...

Sometimes its good to be a kid again,
i miss the time when i was innocent, sweet
in other people's eyes.
I dun have to worry abt the things
around me jus live pass every single day.

Now, guess its too late to turn time back.


she is not the one that stops you
from doing wrong things,
she is the one tt joins in
with you.

die together.




Thursday, June 01, 2006, 10:35 PM
dun follow my footsteps.



cmsk interview today..finally my blazer is not left in my cupboard to collect dust.
Guess i was really dam formal today cos i dun see others wearing blazer.
I looked like a waiter if i held on to a tray.
luckily my inner shirt was a short sleeve or i will die of heat.

Over and done with the interview, i feel the sense of relieve.
*phew*
I was shot with wierd qns i never in my life thought of it.
All i can do was imprompt 2.

I have fallen in love with "techno" kopitiam, maybe i am sick of canteen food.
*dam sick*



Sry gina i did stuff u dint wish to see.
i am a bad girl,
dun follow my footsteps.


my foolishness had lead me into temptation,
I let ppl down.
i changed.

a devil in an angel's outfit.